bcachefs: Improve iter->should_be_locked

bcachefs: Improve iter->should_be_locked

Adding iter->should_be_locked introduced a regression where it ended up
not being set on the iterator passed to bch2_btree_update_start(), which
is definitely not what we want.

This patch requires it to be set when calling bch2_trans_update(), and
adds various fixups to make that happen.

Signed-off-by: Kent Overstreet <kent.overstreet@gmail.com>